The Truth About Christmas
by priestessgrrrl
Summary: Soubi tries to create the perfect Christmas for Ritsuka, but the holidays are not such a happy time for him.


Soubi placed his carefully wrapped gift under the little tree with shaking hands. As he drew his arm back, he accidentally knocked over one of the shining ornaments and it shattered on the floor. Bending down to clean it up, he noticed that it was a glass angel that had fallen, a perfect little angel whose wings were now hopelessly broken. He fell to his knees, put his head in his hands and wept.

_It's not supposed to be like this. This is supposed to be Ritsuka's perfect Christmas. This is for Ritsuka. You have to get a hold of yourself for the sake of your Sacrifice._

He took a deep breath and willed his hands to stop shaking, but it didn't help. No matter what he did, it wasn't going to change the fact that this time of year left a bitter taste in Soubi's mouth, or if he were to be perfectly honestly with himself, it terrified him, and there was nothing he could do to pretend it away.

It seemed to Soubi that the human mind, in its essence, was nothing more than a vacuum, an unyielding void endowed with the irrefutable power to drag one right back to the inception, the original seed, the precedent against which all other events were mirrored. It was inevitable, no matter how he hard he tried to fight it, that present events would evoke the distant past. Association was inescapable.

People around him seemed to associate the Christmas season with love, peace, family, and togetherness. It was a warm, safe, happy time in most people's hearts, but all of this was completely lost on Soubi. Alas, the mind inevitably reverts back to the first time it heard a sound, experienced a feeling, understood a concept. The first time Agatsuma Soubi understood the concept of Christmas was at the hands of a man who cared very little about love, peace, family or togetherness. 

_"Sensei, what is this Christmas thing everyone is talking about?"_

Ritsu crooked his lips into something that would have resembled a smile, if it weren't so cold. "Well, Soubi-kun, it is a time when people give gifts to those they care about."

Soubi was confused. No one had ever given him a gift; not since his parents had died, anyway. Maybe it was because… no one cared for him?

Ritsu pressed Soubi against the wall, fingering his left cat-ear thoughtfully. "I've already decided what your gift will be."

Soubi was overjoyed: Sensei would be giving him a gift? But that would mean…

"Yes, Soubi-kun, and it will be a gift that you will give to me as well. It will be a perfect Christmas. Wont that be nice?"

Ritsu's smile widened; he was looking at Soubi as if he had something he very much desired.

"Oh yes, Sensei." Soubi's whole body tensed in anticipation, but he was confused. What could he possibly have to give Sensei, something he wanted that much…?

Soubi shook himself all over, trying to rid himself of the dark memories that constantly pursued him like tormenting Furies. It was a week after the holiday season, anyway; this shouldn't be such a big deal; it shouldn't matter, it really shouldn't. This was all for Ritsuka, for his beloved Sacrifice. It had nothing to do with Soubi or his past.

Ritsuka had read a book about holiday traditions around the world and had gotten all excited at the idea of himself and Soubi having their own little magical Christmas, with gifts for each other under a sparkly tree. It didn't matter what day it was, so long as they were together, he'd said. Disobeying his Sacrifice wasn't something Soubi was capable of even considering. If Ritsuka had noticed his momentary look of terror when he mentioned the idea, he hadn't said anything about it.

And of course Soubi hadn't said anything, because despite the fact that Ritsuka insisted that he wanted Soubi to be open and honest with him, there were some things that Ritsuka just… didn't need to know. His Sacrifice had his own issues to deal with, his own traumatic past; he didn't need Soubi to bleed all over him on top of it.

It was over and done with, his life at Seven Voices, and it was better forgotten. That was years ago; he and Ritsuka had their own life now, and they had better things to worry about. Ritsuka's coming of age, for one: he'd just turned fourteen, and there had been an unspoken promise lingering in the air that once he'd come of age, he and Soubi might… progress further in their relationship than they had previously. If that wasn't cause for celebration, nothing was. Soubi smiled to himself just thinking about it. He loved Ritsuka more than he ever thought it was possible to love someone, and the idea of the two of them coming together as one being was almost too incredible to contemplate.

Soubi took a deep breath and smoothed his hair back with one hand, tying it up in a neat pony tail. _Ritsuka. This is all for Ritsuka._ Picking up the pieces of the broken angel, he deposited them in the wastebasket and tucked it under the sink. Then he bent over and splashed water on his face so that he would look as close to normal as possible. _Everything is going to be perfect. Perfect Christmas. Perfect Christmas for Ritsuka._

The door banged open and in rushed his beautiful Sacrifice, his cheeks rosy-pink from the cold, his mittened hands opening wide to embrace his waiting Fighter, and all gloomy thoughts were swept immediately from Soubi's mind. _Ritsuka._ Soubi held him close, perhaps a little too long, but if he noticed, he didn't mention it. He simply pressed his little cold face against Soubi's, their noses touching, then placed a tiny, chaste kiss on Soubi's still-trembling lips. For a fraction of a second Soubi was worried that Ritsuka had perceived some difference in him, but then he pulled back, smiling and removing his mittens.

"Soubi! It snowed! It snowed for _our_ Christmas! Did you see? It's _perfect!_ Just like in the books…!"

_Perfect._ Soubi pasted a smile on his face for his Sacrifice. "Yes, Ritsuka, it is."

"Oh! You got a little tree and everything! Soooooubi…"

Ritsuka came running back over and wrapped his arms around Soubi's waist. Soubi once again felt his strength returning just by being near to Ritsuka, touching him, holding him. Too soon, Ritsuka started wiggling around and waving something in Soubi's face.

"Lookit! They had hot chocolate packets at the 7-Eleven! We have to make them, and then we can sip hot chocolate and sit by the tree and open our presents, kay? I'll be right back!" He ran towards the back room, apparently for some last minute preparations.

Soubi chuckled as he took the packets into the kitchen and put the kettle on. He didn't even want to know what was in those things; probably some vile American concoction that Ritsuka would love and Soubi would much prefer green tea over, but it didn't matter. Ritsuka was happy, and that was all that counted. 

The kettle whistled and Soubi dutifully poured the contents of the suspicious packets into two teacups that were now steaming nicely next to the tree. Then he heard the mysteriously muffled voice of his Sacrifice calling from the hallway.

"…Soubi! Are you ready?"

"…yes?" Soubi answered, hesitantly, not sure what he was supposed to be preparing for.

Ritsuka came out into the living room draped in a blanket. Soubi wasn't sure why, but an inexplicable chill had suddenly run down his spine, and he shivered.

"Soubi, you have to sit there next to the tree with your hot chocolate, kay? Then I'll come over to you and give you my present."

"Okay…" Soubi sat down, hands shaking again, trying not to drop his teacup. "I-I'm ready…"

Ritsuka took off the blanket. Soubi stared. Ritsuka was dressed in a bright red tunic with shiny red lace-up leggings. He'd placed a big red bow on top of his head, accompanied by little red bows on both his ears, and a red ribbon tied to his tail.

He looked absolutely adorable, and Soubi was absolutely terrified. He cried out, dropped his teacup, scalded himself with hot chocolate and ran out of the room.

Soubi just barely made it into the bathroom, locked the door and turned on the faucet so that Ritsuka wouldn't hear him throwing up. After being violently ill, he sat there, shaking, waiting for the waves of nausea to pass. _His ears. Ritsuka wanted to give me…_

Ritsuka was banging on the bathroom door, furious with him. He demanded that he open the door immediately. Not being able to disobey, Soubi summoned what was left of his strength and sent his Fighter's mind outward to unlock the door.

Suddenly Ritsuka's arms were around him, and despite the detestable situation, he started to feel better immediately. "Soubi… Soubi what is it? Why didn't you tell me? What on earth is the matter?"

Soubi leaned back against Ritsuka and tried to breathe. "I-I'm sorry, Ritsuka. I ruined your… perfect Christmas."

"Goddamnit, Soubi, I don't care about that! I care about _you_, don't you understand?"

_I care about you._

Tears leaked out of Soubi's eyes and he curled up awkwardly in Ritsuka's lap, despite the fact that he was twice his size. "Ritsuka… that's the best Christmas present… you could ever give me."

Ritsuka stroked his Fighter's hair. "God, Soubi, you are _so weird_ sometimes, do you know?" 

Soubi smiled through his tears. "I'm sorry, Ritsuka. I'm… a broken angel."

Ritsuka took Soubi's head in his hands and looked straight into his dusky blue eyes. "No you're not. Not to me."

Soubi's heart melted into a thousand pieces. Ritsuka kissed him gently on his forehead, then looked him in the eyes again.

"Soubi. I need you to talk to me. I _order_ you to tell me what's going on. I wont let you do this, this pretending. Do you think I couldn't tell as soon as I walked in the damned door that something was bothering you? Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I haven't known all along that there was something about this Christmas thing that scared the shit out of you? What the hell do you think I did this for?"

Soubi was dumbfounded. "Y-you did this… for me?"

"Yes, you idiot! I saw how upset you got when I mentioned Christmas and I figured you'd never had a happy one, so I wanted to give one to you. Had I known it was going to be this much of a disaster, I'd have quit while I was ahead."

"I-I'm sorry." 

"Soooooubi! Stop apologizing and talk to me!!"

Soubi took a deep breath and let it out. "Ritsuka. I… don't know what to say."

"What happened to you? On Christmas? You can tell me. I'm here for you."

Ritsuka held Soubi tightly to him, putting his hand on his Fighter's heart. It was beating far too rapidly.

Soubi reached up almost automatically and touched the place on his head where his long-lost ears used to be. Ritsuka put his hands on top of his Fighter's. He understood.

"Soooooubi… You lost your ears. On Christmas."

Soubi nodded sadly, tears flowing like rain. Ritsuka just rocked him, back and forth, back and forth. "Oh Soubi. My beautiful Fighter. Shhh. Shhhhh…"

He continued to rock him, back and forth, back and forth, so gently, like an angel, a whole, perfect angel. Soubi cried and cried, clinging to his Sacrifice, till he had no more tears to shed. 

"Soubi. Listen to me. I want you to tell me, okay? I want you to tell me when this happens, when… you are remembering bad things that happened to you. Please don't hide it from me anymore. I… I love you. I want to know. Please."

Soubi sniffed. "Ritsuka, I'll… I'll try. It's… not easy."

"I know. I understand." Ritsuka pressed his face against his Fighter's neck, his lips brushing against him in an almost-kiss.

"Ritsuka…"

"Hmmm?" He was still gently rocking his Fighter, nuzzling him softly.

"I… care about you, too."

"I know you do," Ritsuka murmured, pulling Soubi even closer. "I know."


End file.
